I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
