You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Please don't give away my fajitas
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
