I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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