Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
two words...techno handjob
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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