so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
