I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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