I puked a lego.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
