If that was your dad, he is hot
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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