i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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