life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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