11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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