I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
