pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i now understand why vodka
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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