dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
