I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
