u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
