My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
