So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
