Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
