Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
