Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
