After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
