There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I need help removing her.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
