The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
