I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
