yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
