Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
