No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
