Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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