You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
