im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
