I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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