I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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