she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
