idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
