I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
