You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
