shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
