Having a random hookup so left but love u
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
