He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
