The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
