I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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