The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
