I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
