Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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