My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
