We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
