He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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