oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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