dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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