I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
