Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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