wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Drunk is not a location!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
