the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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