i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize