It's Friday. Sex?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
