Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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