Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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