How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
