i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
