So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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