He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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