we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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