its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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