do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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