No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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