like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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