I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize