you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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