Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
