it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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