my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
