i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
