Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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