I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
