So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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